What are cornerstone habits?
As defined in the dictionary, a cornerstone is, “an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based.”
As defined in the dictionary, a habit is, “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.”
How do cornerstone habits work in conjunction with cascading?
A cornerstone habit is one that is typically small and seems relatively insignificant. The appearance of such a habit is entirely deceiving. One very minute change in behavior will build into other changes that eventually become rituals. Rituals form the fabric of our lives. For more information on rituals, see my blog post regarding those here.
What is the difference between a cornerstone habit and a ritual?
The cornerstone habit is, literally, the action upon which a ritual is built. The ritual being a series of actions that find their genesis in a single cue. Rituals can be broken into smaller chunks or viewed as a massive stream. The sum total, or massive stream, of our rituals is our daily lives.
How do we change a cornerstone habit?
Ostensibly, we engage in rituals to get some sort of pleasure out of them. This may not always be the case; however, it is the driving force behind most of what we do. Even the things we dislike doing get done because they hold some promise of reward.
The first step to making a change in our lives is to recognize what we want to change and the rituals that have led us to our current state. Again, take a look at my post regarding rituals for more detail on that subject. Once we have solidified the thing we want to change and what aspect of life it would fall into, we can more clearly make decisions about where to go from there.
Step two is to observe. Keep a small notebook handy, use cellphone notes, or any number of habit tracking apps available for both iPhone and Android users. How often do we engage in the identified rituals? Are there times that they are more frequent than others? What are the circumstances surrounding the spikes?
The third step involves analyzing and breaking the ritual apart into separate pieces. What is the trigger for the beginning of the ritual? What, then, is the ritual act? What do we derive from performing the ritual? For example, if it’s a habit of snacking while at work. What is the cause of it? Are we actually hungry? Are we working on something we dislike or that is stressful? Could we, instead, be thirsty? Are other people eating in the office? Are the sounds and smells of their snacking triggering our social cues? What actions could we take to prevent this? We could stop and think about whether we’re actually hungry. If we’re not hungry, think about why we want to snack. Do we need a break from what we are doing? Could we try drinking a glass of water and waiting to see if the impulse goes away? Should we get up and take a walk around to leave an area where there are smells tempting us to overeat? Cycling through these types of queries to get to the underlying cause and reward will produce the required information.
The fourth step is a truth calibration test. As we look at this thing we want to change, are we being fully honest with ourselves about it? Are we being too hard or vicious with ourselves? Are we going too easy? Making any excuses involving other people or things being to blame for the way things are? It is vital that we view the issues we are trying to tackle with clarity. I have found it helpful to view these things through the lens of how I would think about it in the instance of a friend or family member presenting me with the facts that I have. I shoot straight, no matter who I am speaking to, but always from a desire to perceive the best in the person to whom I am speaking. This step should lead to the real cause or trigger point of a cornerstone habit and the ability to view it with the compassion to overcome shame or doubt.
Step five is deciding on how to act on the cornerstone of the ritual. The trigger and initial action form the cornerstone habit of any given ritual. Once we know what the real trigger is and the habitual action that springs from it, we can then decide on what method best fits the situation. Are the triggers things that can be eliminated? If not, how can we view the triggers in a different way to mitigate their effect? What action can we replace the harmful habit with that will result in a reward that is as good as or better than the one currently being experienced?
Finally, you will need to fortify yourself. This is an absolute key to any change in rooted habits. You must feed your mind a daily diet of positive material geared toward overcoming the cornerstone habit you want to change. Fortifying materials would be things like this blog or others with “how-to” content, testimonials, videos, stories, chats, groups, friends, and others that are not only cheering for you but offering real, substantive material and reinforcement. Once the cornerstone habit begins to change, it will then cascade into other rituals.
As always, we’re not experts. We speak from the experience of our lives which are fraught with both mistakes and successes. We so much appreciate you stopping in and allowing us to share our journey with you.
If you are experiencing serious issues with depression, addiction, and the like, please seek help from a qualified professional immediately. While these methods can be and are life changing, they are not intended to replace treatment from a doctor or counselor.
How About You?
What are some ways that you have changed cornerstone habits? How did they then move into a cascade? Do you see the pattern in your life in both positive and negative ways? We’d love to hear from you!
